Quirkie Phone-call for the Day

My responsibilities at work includes taking some phone calls, among other things. As with any other business and organizations, we get our share of kooky phone calls and nuisance callers.

For example, during my first week at work, I had to pick up a call during lunch time while everyone else was out.
Me: Hello, XYZ company!
He: HELLO! WHERE IS THE FOOD! (in Hokkien, which i totally cannot speak.)
Me: *stammering in Chinese* The food will be there soon, uncle.
He: WHERE IS EVERYBODY? HUH? HUH? CAN YOU SPEAK HOKKIEN? I WANT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS HOKKIEN!
Me: *looks around haplessly...* Errr... Uncle, got no one...
He: WHERE IS EVERYBODY HUH? HUH? HUH? WHAT DO YOU ALL DO ONE HUH? ALWAYS NO ONE AROUND!!
Me: They are...
*click. doot dooot... doot dooot..*

1 min later... repeat above conversation.

3 min later... Variation:
He: YOU AGAIN! GO AND DIE! *Slams! fone down*

5 min, 10 min & 12 min later, repeat above.

I was traumatized and shaken by the verbal abuse, until I learnt from my colleagues that he is a lonely old man who likes to call and routinely abuses everyone who cannot speak Hokkien. At least it's nothing personal :P

And there's another lady who's on medication and comes here every now and then.
She: Hello, I am Amy Wong Ah Mei*. May I speak to Jane Chew* please?
Me: I'm sorry she's not in, can I take a message?
She: Who are you? What's your name?
Me: .... Quirkie.
She: Quirkie ah, I tell you ah, I'm very smart one leh. You know ah, I like to think of ways to help companies save money. The other day, I called them you know, and I recommended them to blahblahblahblahblah....
And so she goes on until the 10c worth of 3min call is ended by the unceremonious BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEEEP *click*.

Then there's this stalker guy who calls and always asks for a lady counsellor and tells a loooong sob story, but stops short at making counselling appointments. And each time he calls, his story is different. And when refered to a male counsellor, he hangs up. HMMM. So now we've wizened up and always refer him to a male counsellor, teeheehee ; )

So today, this phone call started out normally enough. Lady looking for a job as a counsellor, could the person in charge please return her call.

Me: Ok. What's your name, please?
She: I'm Gerald*.

@_@



* Names have been changed to protect the uh, innocents.