12 July 2009

Favourite Things...

Last week, F and I met up for lunch and being the word snobs that we are (note: word snobs are not exempt from English butchery, we just like to put ourselves on a high chair and laugh at others condescendingly, thereby rendering us rather unpopular with our friends but WHAT THE HECK muahahahaha), the topic drifted to the best typo errors we've seen. And you know what? The typos we have seen will render this post PG18 rather than the G that my posts are wont to be.

To make sure our already tenuous friendships with these dear folks are not permanently wrecked, we will be keeping the identity of these friends a secret. You'll understand why.


Me: So I was ironing clothes the other day and Intuition was at the computer. A mutual friend wanted to fix an appointment with me, and thus Intuition was the messenger boy. She will ask him when I'm free, he will turn around and ask me (cos I was directly behind him), so on and so forth. Intuition decides to be kaypoh and asked Friend, why do you wanna meet Quirkiekai, what feminine gossips do you gals have planned?? And she said "We're going to discuss your bed habits!" ... O_o apparently, she meant BAD habits.

He: That reminds me of my friend. He was going to loan his external hard disk to a female friend, and when he wanted to confirm it, he actually msned her "So do you still want my hard dick?" and then he quickly typed "i mean hard disk hard disk hard disk!!!!!!"

He: And there was this other friend whom I was gaming with, and in there you can send messages to each other. We were talking about weaponry and he was telling me what he has. He typed "xxxxx, xxxxxxxx, breast slayer, xxxxxx, xxxxxx...." I think he meant BEAST slayer, but that was totally a freudian slip.

Me: Speaking about boobs, this one was to an email to a gathering, discussing snacks, activities and what to bring etc. And this guy, in all serious innocence, emailed saying "I'll be bringing the tits bits".


After I related these to Intuition, he reminded me of another classic spelling boo-boo. At a gathering one day, we decided rather spontaneously that we were going to a board game cafe, Pit Stop Cafe. A friend was going to be late and was trying to clarify our venue. We told him, over the phone along a busy road, "Pit Stop Cafe. PIT STOP CAFE. Can you hear? No? It's PIT STOP CAFE. P-I-T S-T-O-P Cafe. Yes correct, PIT STOP CAFE."

When he finally arrived, he was extremely flustered and exclaimed "I HEARD TIT STOP CAFE. I even asked you to spell it out and I distinctly heard T instead of P!! I asked my colleagues if they've heard of TIT STOP CAFE and they told me no, but Crazy Horse left Singapore 3 months ago!! They asked WHO WAS I MEETING AND I TOLD THEM *some christian context* FRIENDS. Now they think I hang out with a group of PERVES!"


I am the letter-editor for someone Chinese educated, so while her Mandarin packs lots of power, her English is weaker. There was one memorable one where she wanted to write "Corporate" and spelt it as "Copulate".


Then there was once we were in a hotel lift, my entire family and Intuition. My mum started reading a poster and grinned, saying "See! These people don't know how to spell 'regret'. They spell it as R-E-G-R-E-T."



"Mum, that's the correct spelling."

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