23 April 2008

Oh the agony...

The other day, my parents and I squeezed into a really small and rickety lift with several other strangers. My dad was the last one to step into the already packed lift. Everyone was facing the door, but he was facing the crowd as there wasn't any space for him to turn around. Being the beer lover that he is, there is a sizable pot-belly sticking out in front of him. God truly has a sense of humor, for right in front of my dad was another pot-bellied middle aged guy, so they both sucked it up and tried not to get in each other's way too much.

Somewhere along the way of my dad's ~60 years of existence, he has lost all sense of self-consciousness and is no longer bothered with socially acceptable behaviour. While we were all trying to study our shoes or the ceiling in the cramped conditions of the lift, my dad decided to steal the show by:
1. making obvious sucking noises as he sucked up his beer gut
2. squinting his eyes closed, with the rest of his face contorted into an exaggerated grimace, bared teeth and all
3. raising his arms and crossing it comically at his chest level, with elbows sticking out unnaturally
4. grinning at the rest of the people trying not to stare at him
I was aghast and stared at him in disbelieve, trying to telepath him "STOP! ACT NORMAL! NOW!" but there must've been a wall in between us, intercepting my frantic brain signals to him.

Ok it's not so bad, he's just acting silly, the lift will reach its destination soon enough, I thought. And I rolled my eyes at him when he looked at me with that grin / grimace plastered onto his face. And he grinned back.

And then...

He started chuckling while looking at my mum and I, with the both of us by this time staring studiously at our shoes.


Then he started pointing to my mum and I, commenting to everyone in the lift "These 2 same. Both got big heads."

Dear dad, this is not a good time to point out how much mum and I look alike and that we both have rather large cranial cavities--but that's cos we've got big brains. Really, no. Stop. I know you love us both and you are always amused by how much we look alike, but no, please, not now.

Unbelievably, the commentary continues...
"Heh heh heh. These two same shape, but different contents."
All this while belly to belly with a stranger, arms crossed comically with the grimace / grin plastered on his face.

A heavy silence settles in the lift with no one making a sound, as the crowd decides to fixate further on their shoes / ceiling. You can almost hear me blush.

Dear God, please, let there be a black hole to swallow me up NOW. I'm sorry for all the times I was a brat and threw a tantrum in public, I'm sorry for all the times I talked back to my parents, I'm sorry for the numerous times my parents got summoned to see the teachers for my various misdeeds, but isn't this a tad harsh? A black hole will be most merciful, thank You very much.

And lo, the lift door opens and the people shuffled out quietly. God answers prayers.


mer said...

That was so hilarious I'm wiping the tears from my eyes!

Your father's da man!

Quirkz said...

yes it's rather hilarious isn't it? i was trying not to burst out laughing in the lift already :P but soooo embarrassiiiing....

cherry said...

AHAHAHAHA!! I was mimicking your dad's expression unconsciously while reading your description on "his show" - squinting eyes and etc. -_- I am just being too visual...